Just a Little Nudge

Software engineers have a habit of getting 95% finished with a project, and then the remaining 5% winds up taking just as long as the first 95%. The loose ends, finishing touches, and last minute bugs can bog you down for months.

During a meeting, Kurt asked me how much I had left to do, and I drew the picture of the Grand Canyon, with my place marked by and X. I am really close to the other side, but to get there I need to follow the dotted line around the cliff, and it could be a very, very long time.

Kurt looked at my drawing and he added the people: him giving me a little nudge. Notice his long Frankenstein hands. And into the deep crevice I fell.....

The Blame Game

It started with a Post-It Note:

Things Not Megan's Fault:
1. ?
2.
3.

Chris thought it was hilarious. He stuck it up next to my name card, and all the passersby either saw it on their own or else Chris pointed it out to them.

Then Kurt put together a spreadsheet of all the things that needed to get changed. When he was finished he thought about the Post It and he added a column to the spreadsheet: Blame. Notice that he didn't say it was anyone's fault, just that he was blaming one specific person for each thing.

And can you guess whose name went into each and every column? Yep. Mine. Then he made sure that everyone saw and commented on the column. He said it was "calling a spade a spade." Bah!

A Talented Family

I am part of a talented family. Yes, it is a heavy burden to bear. Here we are demonstrating one of our talents - being able to put our tongues on our noses. A surprising number of people in our family can do it. Out of the 100 or so family members at Grandma's funeral, we enticed 16 to demonstrate it for us in the picture. Some lost the ability to do it as soon as the cameras started snapping, and 3 families left before the funeral dinner, so there may be even more who can do it. At any rate, it is quite a high percentage of Grandma and Grandpa Neves' family who can do it.

The most surprising thing of all is that some family members had never even heard of such a thing. How can that be? Is our family hiding our talents under a bushel instead of sharing them with the world? What a shockingly selfish thing to do.

Another common family talent, but, sadly, one I don't possess, is being able to wiggle your ears. Maybe we just like to do weird things with our faces. When Dad was in Kindergarten his teacher thought he had a deformed ear because when he got nervous he would tuck the outer ear into the inner ear, and it would stay there.

Delaney and Cienna

Delaney and Cienna saw Kristin and my shoes, and Cienna begged until she got to try them on. We snapped this photo to show our cute debutantes. Have you ever seen two sisters happier to be together?

Sugarless Coconut Cookies

These wonderful coconut cookies are just what the doctor ordered. They are sweetened with bananas, sweetened coconut and chocolate. Yum-o.


First, mash up 3 bananas. I felt really clever when I thought of the potato ricer, thinking it would create perfectly mashed bananas. It turned into a gloppy mess, but the bananas got mashed.


A cookie scoop makes life a lot better. If you don't have a cookie scoop, go out right now and get one. They are fabulous. With a cookie scoop you can make cookies three times as fast, you don't have to put your grubby hands on the cookie, and you can gain even more weight (easy cookies get made much more frequently, and therefore, you eat many, many more cookies.) But this is about why you should get a cookie scoop, so forget that last thing.

Smash them down a bit - these guys don't flatten at all in the oven. Then realize that I forgot to put in the chocolate chips. *GASP* That will never do. Put everything back in the bowl and throw in some chocolate chips.

Ahhh...that's better. A tray of perfectly flattened cookies ready for the oven.

And here they are - all packed up and ready to be delivered. Will you be my friend if I bring you cookies once in a while?

This adorable box is from Sweet Celebrations. I went to get some dipping chocolate, only to be affronted by a "Going Out Of Business" sign on the front door. Sheesh. They were out of chocolate, but I got a bunch of cookie cutters, goodie boxes, and cupcake liners.


Coconut Cookie Recipe:

3 large ripe bananas, well mashed
1 t vanilla
1/4 C coconut oil - barely warm so it isn't solid
2 C rolled oats
1/2 C flax meal - or almond meal (ground up almonds)
1/3 C coconut
1/2 t cinnamon
1/2 t salt
1 t baking powder
6 ounces chocolate chips (1/2 a bag)

Mix it all together and bake at 350 for 13 minutes, until they start to get golden brown.

Roasted Tomato Soup

Have you been to 101cookbooks.com? It is amazing. Heidi uses a lot of whole grains and everything I have made from her site has been delicious. This soup recipe is no different. I altered it slightly because I didn't have as many tomatoes.

3 tomatoes, quartered
1 onion, quartered
1 red pepper, seeded and quartered.

Put it on parchment paper, skin side down, spray oil on everything, and sprinkle it with salt. Then throw it in the oven at 350 for 45 minutes. Then blend it with a stick blender and add 2-3 cups of chicken broth and 1 teaspoon paprika.

Kevin took his bowl, said that he doesn't like tomato soup but that he would eat it anyways. A few bites later he said it was pretty good for tomato soup. Then he said it was the best tomato soup he had ever had. Then he started listing all the things we could put it in: a base for chili, in lentil soup, and taco soup. The possibilities are endless.

Then we went back to the farmers market and bought a whole box of tomatoes. It took 6 jelly roll pans for all the tomatoes. Then it took 4 more pans of peppers and onions. We were exhausted and our house smelled like soup all weekend.

Try not to groan too loudly when you eat this. What will the neighbors think?

The Perfect Cookies

My cookies always turn out flat and crumbly. A while ago I came across a recipe that uses raw buckwheat instead of nuts in The New Whole Grains Cookbook. It also has almond flavoring and LOTS of vanilla. They were super yummy - the best I have had. But also super flat.

So I experimented with different cookie recipes, and 3 weeks of solid weight gain began.

I finally came up with a recipe I am satisfied with. They were almost too fluffy. I had to flatten them with a fork - peanut butter cookie style. I added more vanilla and almond than the recipe called for, and next time I will add even more.

Also, next time I may leave out a bit of the flour and only add it if they are flatter than I want.

1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup room temp butter
(Mix that together)

2 eggs (any temp)
1 1/2 t salt
1 T vanilla
1/4 t almond flavoring
(Mix well now)

2 cups flour (I only use freshly ground whole wheat flour)
1 t baking soda
(Mix)

1 cup flour
(Mix)

2+ cups chocoloate chips
1/2 cup raw buckwheat, rinsed
(Mix just enough to incorporate)

Bake at 375 for 9-12 minutes or until golden brown

Homemade Pizza

We made the best homemade pizza. We actually made it. We ground the wheat to make the crust and also made the cheese. What! You've never made cheese? It's easy.

First, you mix a little citric acid with 1 gallon of milk. Then you heat it to 88 degrees. So a little higher than room temperature. Then mix in a little rennet dissolved in water. Let it sit for 5-10 minutes, strain off the whey, stretch it out, throw it in ice water so it can cool quickly, and WALLAH! Homemade mozarella.

If you want to make some cheese, order a kit from Ricki at http://www.cheesemaking.com/. If you live in Minneapolis, come over to my house to make it because I have a kit and it comes with enough rennet to make about a bazillion gallons of milk into cheese.

It also makes a bunch of whey. Way to much whey. What on earth do you do with it? We made a couple cups into soup and threw the rest out. Let me know if you find something more useful for your whey.

Kevin likes his pizza with jalapenos, 2 layers of pepperoni and green peppers. I had green peppers and hamburger on my half.

Yum.

What could be better than watching the yummiest man alive cut the yummiest pizza ever?

Lions Fan

Steve is a Vikings fan. Todd is crazy about the Packers. They told me I could either be a Bears fan or a Lions fan, so that we could be rounded out. Then in December Susie joined the team, and she is from Chicago. Even though I had picked the Bears as my team, I relinquished my fan status so she could continue to cheer for her team. Now, by default, I am a Lions fan.

Both Todd and Steve tout me as a Lions fan, and Eric thought that I really liked the Lions. He threw a fit one day, telling me that even people from Milwauke weren't Lions fans.

On Monday, Todd asked me how I felt about the Lions now. I thought about a witty response, but nothing came, and I finally said simply that I didn't know how the Lions did. The only game I had watched was the Vikings, and they had won. Todd looks at me blankly for a full 3 seconds. Then he lets me in on a secret: the Vikings were playing the Lions. Hmmm....that's embarassing.

Apparently, there was a funny play in the game. The Lions quarterback ran out the back of his own end zone, resulting in a safety and 2 points for the Vikings. The Vikings ended up winning by 2 points.

The Next Level

The practical jokes have died down, but they used to be relentless. Steve tapes down the button on your phone so that you don't actually join the conversation when you pick up the phone. He hit the "auto-forward" button on your phone so your phone will ring once but you can't answer because it is already redirected to your voicemail. He turns the ringer up all the way. He will call from various offices, wait until you pick up, then yell, "You're Done!"

Eric fought back by plugging a wireless USB mouse to Steve's computer. Throughout the day he would move the mouse slightly, which caused Steve's think he was being monitored by the technical support guys. When it happened again right after lunch, Steve called the helpdesk and swore at them, ending with, "I want you clowns to leave my computer alone!!" Eric, wide eyed and horrified, mouthed the question, "Should we tell him?" At lunch, Todd had let the cat out of the bag, and Steve had just pulled a reverse joke on Eric. If the news of our jokes gets to HR, we will probably all get written up.

But it is not as bad anymore. Steve still dials our phone numbers from the fax machine, so that it will keep calling all afternoon, trying to get the fax through. But he is the only one pulling jokes, and they are slowly dying out.

Today, this fateful Thursday, Steve leaves early. Not only that, but - horror of horrors - he leaves his computer unlocked. Hmmm..... Stacy has been telling us of a time when he got an email from a coworker declaring his undying love for him, and it had made him really uncomfortable. He finally responded with a simple, "I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way." After that, it came out that someone else had sent it when the coworker left his computer unattended. Soooo......

The words write themselves:

Ed,

I have really enjoyed our friendship over the past couple of years, but I am ready to take it to the next level. Do you want to get together for lunch sometime next week?

Steve

Ed walks to our cubes, shrouded with a really confused expression. He sees that Steve isn't at his desk. Everyone else is laughing. I have tears rolling down my cheeks because I am laughing so hard. Ahh, these practical jokesters think they are funny.

Ed responds:

Steve, I am sorry but I am happily married and don't feel the same way about you. If you would like some additional suggestions for love interests, feel free to stop by my desk.

Uncomfortably yours,
Ed

Then we send the same letter to Mike.

He responds, "I'm sorry, but ever since Megan opened my eyes to donkey shows and midget snuff films, my lunchtimes are busy."

The rest of the day we are like schoolgirls. We simply can't wait for Steve to check his email. Friday morning Steve sends an email saying he will be in at 10:00. Uuugghhh....it is going to be hard to wait that long. Then at 9:00 he calls Kurt, and says that he thinks the market has bottomed out so he wants to spend the day at home buying stock options. NOOOO!! I don't know if I can wait ALL WEEKEND for Steve to see the joke emails.

He finally shows up at 10:00 to fill out his timecard. He sits at his computer for a few minutes, then goes to get a drink. He comes back and asks why we are all acting so weird. We ask if he has checked his email. He says that he has. Did he get an email from Mike? Yes. From Ed? Yes. So what?

Then he goes back and reads the emails, after which he stands up and laughs. His fingers instinctively move through his hair, nervously scratching his head. He says it would be funny if it wasn't so disgusting. Then he tells us about his favorite bumper sticker. "If you are going to ride my a**, the least you can do is pull my hair."

Later, Ed gets a call from Jeff, a former coworker, asking if he wants to get together for lunch.....

I am going to have to be careful to lock my computer for a long, long time.