It Doesn't Make You a Bad Cook

It happens to the best of cooks. Don't ask me why I think I have any expertise on the subject.

Something needs to come to a boil and after turning up the heat you run and quickly check your email. Then browse to see if any interesting news is on news.yahoo.com. Then you surf over to amazon.com to see if anything in your wish list is on sale. Before long, your nose perks up and you start to wonder where that smoky smell is coming from.

Dang it, the burner is on high and the oatmeal is burned. I suppose this pot should go out on the deck before the smoke alarms go off.

As luck would have it, just such a scenario transpired last weekend in our home. Early in our marriage Kevin once mentioned that it had been a while since I had burned anything. I think he was insinuating that I wasn't a good cook, but in reality being a good cook is wildly different from having EVERYTHING you cook turn out perfectly EVERY TIME. Who could possibly be held to that standard?

Also, the longer I fiddle with new recipes the more I realize that the most significant part of being a good cook is finding good recipes. It has nothing to do with raw talent.

We live in the real world, and part of that reality is sometimes running a pot outside while smoke billows into the house. The splendid imperfections of everyday life are what make it so precious.

One Burger Murdered

With the vain hope of grossing out someone [i.e. everyone] at work, I brought my burgers in this morning. I was so proud of myself that I was already boasting to Todd as I dug them out of the bag. Then I realized that disaster had struck. *Gasp* *Whimper* *Sob*

Yes, it is true. Although my November 23rd burger did not have a speck of rot on it, it had gotten knocked around in my bag and parts of the bun had broken off. Todd said that it wasn't going to work to keep it for show if the bun was falling apart.

Desperately, I pleaded with the burger I bought on December 18th. Would it consider taking the lead role in "how long will a fast food burger last?" Since I like to come up with really creative names, we're going to call him "December 18th."

Luckily, December 18th gladly rose to the occasion and is now the lead star in the drama of the fast food burger.

Move over, November 23rd! December 18th is the new star of the show.

In other news, I haven't eaten a burger at McDonald's or Burger King since November....Can you believe that these burgers and the buns are still looking so good? They are dried out but otherwise in pristine condition. Food should rot. Bread should grow mold. Is it pumped full of preservatives or is it made of something besides food?

Barely Used

Used can be as good as new. You save a little money and nothing goes to the landfill. A used car can cost thousands less than a new one and run just as well. A used pair of pants are already faded so you know the color will stay after several washes. As a kid we once went to the dump with Dad and found a teddy bear. Mom wouldn't let it into the house, which was utterly baffling because it was the best thing I had seen in a long time, and of top of that, it was free.

But the "why buy new when slightly used will do" rule just doesn't hold true when it comes to chap stick. This morning I walked into my cube to find a present. During the bitter cold Minnesota winter, a little lip balm may soften my parched lips, but it absolutely will NOT be anything that has already been used by anyone but me. Or maybe Kevin. In fact, having it used just one time is enough to make it completely off limits.

Gingerly, I picked up the offending tube and pranced it into Steve's cube. "Is this yours?" It wasn't his. Was it Kurt's? Nope. Was Todd the offender? Not him, either. It would be a shock to my system if it ended up being someone outside of the "Pentagram of Trust" so I sat back down in a perplexed stupor.

Finally, Steve fessed up to the surprise offering. He had found it in the lab coat of a visitor after he had left. He did not have any open sores on his lips, or in any other publicly obvious place, so Steve figured it would be a wonderful surprise for me. Just to make sure I knew it was only one hair shy of being brand new, he labeled it with the "Barely Used" note.

A closer inspection of the tube reveals that someone had once viciously ripped into the security wrapping in a dire effort to access the soothing relief that only chap stick can provide. Could I ever really trust a tube that broadcasts a history of abuse by such an obviously desperate man?

The Pentagram of Trust

The Circle of Evil

The 9 Layers of Hell

The 23rd Psalm

Here is a picture of the Gates of Hell by Rodin. The area between our cubes is much less artistic but just as scary.

What first comes to mind when you walk past the area in between the cubes of Steve, Todd, Kurt, and me? Often people will walk by and shudder. Steve calls this area the "Pentagram of Trust." Why does he call it that? We obviously don't really trust each other. It is because we all trust that no one in that area will turn anyone else in to HR for a blatantly obvious violation of personal boundaries or offensive behavior. There are a couple of reasons for this:

1) We haven't so far

2) Each of us has enough information on the others that none of us could possibly take it to HR without risking our own job in the process

If someone steps over the line one day and involves management in our fiascoes, all hell really will break loose. Hopefully the economy recovers before that happens.

Roger walked by today, shuddered, and then found a picture of the gates of hell so he could accurately provide a comparison to the feeling he got as he passed.

Manhattan Clam Chowder

The first time I ate clam chowder I had the misfortune of getting some dirt in my bowl. It was from the cafeteria at work, and I was already leery of that food. Then it happened again - and again - and again. EVERY time I somehow ended up with a little bit of dirt in my bowl. Granted, I grew up in a home where we ate red meat, so I wasn't used to a lot of meaty flavors or textures. In fact, the first time I cooked chicken (in middle school) I completely freaked out when it started to turn white. Luckily, Kristin's boyfriend was there to tell us it was just starting to cook. *WHEW* That was a disaster barely averted.

Anyway, back to the clam chowder. In 1939 the good people of Maine were so upset when they heard of a tomato based clam chowder that they proposed a bill to outlaw tomatoes in clam chowder. When I heard that, the rebel in me perked up her ears, and here we are - making Manhattan Clam Chowder. It is my first time eating the Manhattan version, so I am not sure how it compares to other recipes, but this one is pretty darn good. It comes from Dr. Mirkin's website. . .

This is really more like clam stew. It doesn't sound as good as the word "chowder" but when I hear "chowder" I think of a thick, creamy soup. This is beef stew where all the beef has been usurped by clams.

Don't they look funny in the can? I had one can of chopped and one can of minced and upon close inspection, I can't tell the difference. If you don't like the grainy texture of clams, give them a few taste tests. They grow on you until you feel sad when you don't get a grainy bite.

Manhattan Clam Chowder

3 C chicken or fish bouillon

2 carrots, chopped

2 stalks celery, chopped

1 C potato, chopped

2 cans of stewed tomatoes

1 t oregano

pinch cayenne

1/2 C barley, cooked

2 cans green beans

2 cans chopped clams and their juice

Combine the bouillon, carrots, celery, potato, tomatoes, oregano, cayenne and barley and simmer until the vegetables are tender. Add the green beans and the clams with their juice and heat about 5 minutes until warm. Revel in the knowledge that you are a wild, crazy rebel as you savor each bite. Then hope you get to travel to Maine someday to eat the blueberries. Make a mental note to not mention MANHATTAN clam chowder when you are there.

Just Like I Never Left

The craziest feeling swept over me as I drove into work yesterday. I had been gone for 2 weeks and had barely thought of anything work related. Would I remember how to do my job? Would I get back and try to step in only to find that someone far more qualified had taken over all my tasks?

Well.... 30 minutes after walking in the door and I felt like I had never left. Sheesh....I need a vacation.

The Year of Embracing Simplicity

What is your New Year's Resolution this year? Anonymous comments are now allowed, so all you lurkers can finally chime in. You can no longer pretend that you don't stop by because I just added a counter a couple of weeks ago and it is already at 245, and it will only counts each person once. I know because I tried to artificially inflate the count by hitting "refresh" over and over.


The book "This Year I Will...: How to Finally Change a Habit, Keep a Resolution, or Make a Dream Come True " suggested naming your year after your resolution to make it easier to change something in your life. Last year our resolution was to fully fund our Roth IRA's and we were wildly successful (which means we squeaked it out at the end of December.) It was wonderful to have a challenging goal that we actually reached, but it just doesn't have that special ring to say "I am funding my Roth IRA this year."

Initially, my resolution was going to be implementing the "One In, One Out" policy, which means that every time I buy something new, I have to get rid of something I already have. But I couldn't think of a way to name it, so I decided that the spirit of my resolution was to enjoy the simple things, and not look for fancy new things. Sipping chocolate milk and reading a book under a cozy blanket is going to be how I spend my free time this year - not shopping for another shirt. (The one in, one out policy will be part of it.) Hopefully we will end the year with less clutter and more peace.

Here is Katie enjoying the simple goodness of a glass of chocolate milk. It is in the not so simple glass that Aunt Louise gave me. Isn't it wonderful? She said I was the fanciest cook she knows, which I find very hard to believe. But they are beautiful and I am thrilled to have them, so I didn't put up too much of a fight. Katie kept saying how pretty they are. She was so happy to be able to drink her milk out of one. Thanks, Aunt Louise! She gave me them in the final days of 2008, so they don't count toward the "one in, one out" rule. That rule didn't start until today.

Chocolate Milk in 5 Minutes

1 pint heavy cream

4 ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips

Heat the cream on medium and then throw in the chocolate chips. Whisk until the chocolate is melted and smooth. Put it into a small empty ketchup bottle in the fridge. It will get really thick as it sits in the fridge. It lasts for about a week. Or more if you are adventurous.

When you are ready for your milk, add a few tablespoons of the syrup to a glass of skim milk and stir it up; there will be yummy pieces of chocolate in your milk. Sit back and smile as you enjoy the chocolaty goodness.